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I am so proud of you, and I have never felt like I am anything but grateful to be your husband.
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In the nine years we have been married, I have had two kids, three houses, four jobs, and gained over pounds. You read that right. To me, I would rather be inside a sleeping bag under our sheets so I can spare my husband the horror and disgust of having to touch a body that shames me daily.
By avoiding intimacy with him, I feel that I am saving him from something. But, sister, I am not. This is my deep-seated hurt.
At the same time, functional MRI scans showed activity in the subject's anterior cingulate cortex—a region of the brain long known for playing a role in physical pain. I think we take physical pain a bit more seriously. Our work suggests that we should think seriously about the impact of emotional pain, too. But is it possible to love someone so much it physically hurts?
Geoff MacDonald , an associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, thinks so. But, he tells Broadly, that pain is usually an indication that something is missing. I think the pain comes in when there's some degree to which you love them but you're not getting everything from that relationship you wanted. And then you can see how the pain mechanism becomes functional—it's going to draw your attention to that. Emotions are not some mysterious ghost-like thing. Emotions are a physical phenomenon. From an evolutionary perspective, he explains, it makes sense that relationships might provoke reactions from the same areas involved with physical pain.
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You need to do something about this. Dear Polly,. I need your advice because no one in my life can relate to me, not even my own brother. While I have struggled with this since I was a child, there are milestones coming up in my life that will be exacerbating this problem very soon. This is especially painful because they treat my brother so differently.
Unfortunately, my mom is a very insecure person and a royal bitch seriously, she has no friends and none of her family members like her , and my dad fully supports the way she treats people and he is also terrified of conflict. I know other people have it worse, so I feel a bit bad for complaining, but in general, this dynamic duo made for a very unpleasant childhood. Growing up, my parents were all about our grades.
By the time I was 16, I was busy seven days per week — volunteering all day both Saturday and Sunday, going to school Monday through Friday with an above-average GPA, on the varsity volleyball team, and going to work right after school Monday through Friday.
I mean, do you even know what you want to be when you grow up? You better get into some good colleges. It was then that my dad revealed he and my mom never actually put money aside for me to go to college, so I had to figure out how to pay for it by myself. I ended up going to my local community college since that was all I could afford. A couple years in, my mom told me that she was really disappointed in my work ethic despite my working full time at a museum and going to school full time and said I needed to move out of the house. Well, I eventually earned and paid for my four-year degree, got a job at a world-famous organization, and was elected to serve on the board of directors for a national organization and a local organization, all by the time I was 28 years old.
When I received an even better job offer higher pay, better schedule I was excited and wanted to share the news with my parents, in hopes that they would be proud of me. Big mistake — my mom was absolutely furious. I told her that I was hurt and that I wished she could just be happy for me. She ended the conversation right there.
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Neither acknowledged my feelings at all and sadly, similar conversations like this have taken place many times. I never learn my lesson. We are about to go through this disappointing cycle again right now. If we have our own children later down the line, I imagine my parents would be equally uninterested. At first, I thought I just needed better grades.
Then, I thought I just needed to work harder. I have spent way too many hours trying to figure out what is wrong with me. The more I try to have a relationship with my parents though, the more they hurt me. I guess what I want to know is, what the hell should I do?
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Dear Unloved,. You try to paint a full picture of how bad it is, but somehow, unless you were chained to a toilet in the basement until age 10, no one is willing to admit that you had it bad. Which is pretty infuriating. Their best includes blatant favoritism and avoidance. So I want you to know that I hear you and I believe you. Your mother has at least one undiagnosed personality disorder.
It sounds to me like she has trouble making room for you because, for whatever reason, you trigger her insecurities and fears. Her disordered mind causes her to view you as competition for limited resources. When you shine, she feels dull. Because your dad is weak and dependent on your mom, he enables her.
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Your mother probably needs a safe bubble around her just to function. The fact that you feel invisible and unimportant while also feeling guilty for not liking your mother is consistent with her practice of ignoring your opinions, needs, and feelings. This probably stretches back to your early childhood.